My Ideal Tuba

[Matt Walters]

Does not yet exist. But if it did.......

1) Weighs 10 pounds or less.
2) Acquired dents all remove themselves while I sleep at night. But always looks used and not worth stealing.
3) Fits me perfectly and is very comfortable in my lap.
4) Works with the mouthpiece I already own and like.

and most importantly....

5) An Auto Tune/Correct that never needs a software update and always functions with a simple on/off button would be great! I don't play JAZZ so go ahead and fix my poor articulations, out of tune notes, and the wrong notes. The 27th diminished, with augmented 3rd in the sub-diatonic with a passing tone approved by your Aunt Ethel still sounds like a wrong note! Even if the musician is wearing all black, makes faces like they are squeezing out a fart, puts fuffy air articulation in the front of the note(s) and afterwards nods their head up and down, jazz improv sounds bad to me. I need the basic model without a Jazz option that I might accidently select because I already play too out of tune, play too many wrong notes and don't articulate cleanly enough as it is.

[the elephant]

In jazz, the difference between playing a "hip chord extension" and a wrong note is one of faith.

[bloke]

…so doesn’t this line right up with most descriptions of most tubas that are advertised for sale at most places…??

(Since I mostly play 1920/1930s jazz, wrong notes are just…wrong. )

[Rick Denney]

The most important requirement of all, Matt: Practices for me when I’m doing other things.

Rick “since we’re making a list and all” Denney

[windshieldbug]

and any time the Music Director mentions it in rehearsal it's to praises its "World Class sound" ...

[tubanh84]

It must ideally “serve [you] well” for every setting through a doctorate and yet be inexplicably not what you want for a local orchestra or brass quintet.

[KingTuba1241X]

Classical snobs . Anyway, the ideal tuba would find it's own ride to rehearsal when I didn't feel like going.

[bloke]

Hey...Here are some AMAZING NEW ideas, that I JUST NOW thought up:

- a travel tuba - with one bell for school and one bell for home
- a mini-tuba, in B-flat, C, or F, for practicing and goofing around
- a tuba that comes all apart and fits into a suitcase.
- a tuba made of plastic...or even fiberglass...or weird black stuff
- tubas that I end up owning/keeping/treasuring that - after a series of trades/sales - actually cost me nothing...

[bort2.0]

CC
A little bigger than a Miraphone 188
5 rotary valves
Made in USA
Built for modern use and not 100 years old

Doesn't exist. Probably won't ever. I come to terms with that, at least until I win the lottery.

[bloke]

Your “ideal tuba“ is the one that you by next month… and the next month…and the month after that.

CC
A little bigger than a Miraphone 188
5 rotary valves
Made in USA
Built for modern use and not 100 years old

Doesn't exist. Probably won't ever. I come to terms with that, at least until I win the lottery.

[GC]

Jumbo raincatcher sousaphone made of Kevlar with programmable LED lighting and all the wrong notes removed at the factory.

[MN_TimTuba]

My ideal tuba automatically and continuously drains all spit and deposits it in the trumpet section, and has a gooseneck type bell that can be aimed upward, front ward, or sideways as the situation demands.
She also has a built-in coffee maker and mini donut dispenser.
Oh, and always makes me look cool.
Tim

[bort2.0]

Your “ideal tuba“ is the one that you by next month… and the next month…and the month after that.

CC
A little bigger than a Miraphone 188
5 rotary valves
Made in USA
Built for modern use and not 100 years old

Doesn't exist. Probably won't ever. I come to terms with that, at least until I win the lottery.

Ok then, my ideal tuba is one that I can resell whenever I feel like it, without losing money on it. Bonus if I make money on it. But break even at a fair price is usually just fine!

Beyond that, I was unaware that I was violating some kind of time limit rule.

PS, I think the line started forming today for tuba #2, when/if I decide to sell. Which isn't for a while, since I won't have it back until March or so.

[hup_d_dup]

Has a robotic delivery system so that it can transport itself to and from gigs and rehearsals.

Hup

[iiipopes]

My ideal tuba: a real (pre-Macmillan) Conn sousaphone with the upper loop of the first valve circuit converted to an adjustable slide. Yes, I have one, so old that dating it an exercise in futility, complete with the obligatory leaky valves. Yes, it is everybody's favorite for outdoor concerts, the bread-and-butter of community bands.

Last summer setting up for an Independence Day weekend concert from the principal trombone player, who looks over at me and says, "You brought the sousaphone! YES!!!"

[YorkNumber3.0]

.

[KingTuba1241X]

Your “ideal tuba“ is the one that you by next month… and the next month…and the month after that.

CC
A little bigger than a Miraphone 188
5 rotary valves
Made in USA
Built for modern use and not 100 years old

Doesn't exist. Probably won't ever. I come to terms with that, at least until I win the lottery.

Ok then, my ideal tuba is one that I can resell whenever I feel like it, without losing money on it. Bonus if I make money on it. But break even at a fair price is usually just fine!

Beyond that, I was unaware that I was violating some kind of time limit rule.

PS, I think the line started forming today for tuba #2, when/if I decide to sell. Which isn't for a while, since I won't have it back until March or so.

Maybe, (as a prudent and non-existent Car Salesman could/would say to a customer if he was honest)...you should be LEASING your tubas instead of buying them. Turn in the keys after X amount of years and walk away.

[Mary Ann]

Is in Eb and is built like a Slinky so I can just wad it up and put it in my carry-on.

[bort2.0]

Maybe, (as a prudent and non-existent Car Salesman could/would say to a customer if he was honest)...you should be LEASING your tubas instead of buying them. Turn in the keys after X amount of years and walk away.

If I was worried about getting depreciation, then sure.

Otherwise, I'm not losing money by doing this, so there's no risk and I can have as long of a trial period as I want/need. I really don't see why it's a big deal to buy/sell/trade frequently. Some day I'll stop, either because I've found the ideal tuba, because I don't feel like doing it anymore, or because I just don't care about tuba stuff anymore at all. But until then...

[KingTuba1241X]

Maybe, (as a prudent and non-existent Car Salesman could/would say to a customer if he was honest)...you should be LEASING your tubas instead of buying them. Turn in the keys after X amount of years and walk away.

If I was worried about getting depreciation, then sure.

Otherwise, I'm not losing money by doing this, so there's no risk and I can have as long of a trial period as I want/need. I really don't see why it's a big deal to buy/sell/trade frequently. Some day I'll stop, either because I've found the ideal tuba, because I don't feel like doing it anymore, or because I just don't care about tuba stuff anymore at all. But until then...

I got pretty good at keeping the same original $2000 or so invested rolling through about 36 horns since 2014...sometimes losing a little but gaining it back by flipping the next one. Now with the 187, I have sunk to the coral reef with an achor tied to my leg...but it was probably worth it for a solid horn. And horns, sadly depreciate unless they are a rare and highly sought after model. I watched the poor 186's drop from near $3000 in used/decent playable condition to <$1900 since March 2020. It's more tied to supply and demand, but still...if there's no demand, anything will depreciate.