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Are you looking to step up your orchestral performances? Do you want your Yorkbrunner to be able to produce the pure sonic pain of a classic piston/rotor contrabass bugle?

For a limited time, you can purchase that "bolt-on horsepower" that your tuba craves!

Kit #1 contains two genuine DCI acoustic field upgrade tone boosters. These are guaranteed to put hair on your pistons!


Kit #2 contains three phase-balanced, acoustically matched springs that upon installation will instantly boost your "Exposure to Error" and "Musical Analysis" scores on all Russian works. INCREASE TECHNIQUE BY AS MUCH AS 43% SIMPLY BY INSTALLING THESE BABIES!


Kit #3 contains pre-compressed corks and felts that will allow for perfect, consistent vale alignment, allowing the piston to fall freely… er… something like that. These are literally BATTLE HARDENED for you! We're not sure what these do, but we know they will do it very well!


Kit #4 is the core of this bolt-on bonanza! Add the raw power of CHROME to your finger buttons, which EVERYONE knows contribute about 81% of the color to your tone. And these babies will LAY IT DOWN! CHROME! CHROME! CHROME! GETCHA SOME! (PROP. 65 WARNING: These buttons contain substances suspected by some genius in California to cause gas in hamsters.)


Get all four kits TODAY and pimp your next rendition of the Ride. Everything seen here can be YOURS for $99.99 (plus shipping to CONUS. (AK and HI residents will pay actual shipping + a $32.47 handling fee. European customers: You're SOL. Sorry, LOSERS!)

Sorely tempted, as I have a gasless hamster.

Do you have a set of tone boosters for a Euro shank horn?

I have a hammer, so I could "install" a few if you like…

Don't forget the pipe wrench.

Do you accept Cryptocrap ?

Is it possible to decompress the pre-compressed felts?
Do the tone enhancers work on bass and contrabass and altobass and tenorbass tubas? Don't think I need them for my sopranobass tuba

I actually bit, many years ago, on that Acousticoil crap (for the 182 F.) Demanded my money back too and they were just astonished, but did. People would just toss the thing because it was something like $3 but I wasn't going to take that baloney. Now, if they had been offering an accurate way to determine where to drop my mouthpiece on the bell branch to create a node, that would have been worth paying for.

If this doesn't come with a grumpy DCI alum aggressively telling everyone within earshot about how great G bugles are and how nothing after that is real drum corps, it's not authentic.