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So I have been very sick for some years now. The docs *finally* figured it out. I have very bad congestive heart failure. I have between 30% and 35% cardio functionality.

Sounds pretty grim. This diagnosis came after an ER visit at 2:00 a.m. and a week in the hospital and THIRTY-SEVEN CT scans, chest X-rays, EKGs, and ECGs. I had a LOT of fluids in my lungs and around my heart, so I was on this diuretic that makes you piss like a racehorse about a dozen times a day, and it took like three days for me to be able to breathe without O2, but I am much better now.

So, with all that in mind, it is fully treatable, the treatment being for me to dump one of my pills, add three new ones, and take my diet and exercise regimen for my diabetes a lot more seriously. That's it.

So I am more or less okay.

What a scary-assed week it was, though. (Thank goodness for cute nurses.)

With that in mind, after less than a week, I am back to walking (at a reduced distance for now) and I played my first gig after having subbed out several in my week of "medical imprisonment". I have a John Williams-laden program with the MSO tomorrow night and a highfalutin church service (muckity-mucks, smells, and bells — the works) on Sunday.

I have really taken to my two new-to-me tubas and have decided to start soliciting chances to do recitals at some of our local universities. In the past, I have sucked as a soloist for a few reasons. The main one is that I am lazy and a master of procrastination. Another is that it is hard to get excited about most of our solo rep — it is truly dreadful music in many, many cases. However, a couple of years ago I was asked to do a local Tuba Day with a solo recital and then had a huge quintet recital. So I worked my butt off to get familiar and comfortable with the added 6th valve on my Kurath F tuba, and that thing change how I feel about playing bass tuba as a solo/soloistic instrument. Suddenly I am interested in doing really well on a recital. I scraped together a really fun program that is not the typical tuba gags and guffaws or one of those pieces where you play with a tape while smoking and reading bad poetry. The tuba rep has improved a lot over the last twenty years, and now I sort of enjoy some of it enough to work it up properly to present to people who paid money for their tickets.

So attitudes change — and mine seems to certainly have been rehabilitated. At least regarding about a dozen pieces. (I still unapologetically claim that the bulk of the tuba solo re is musical bunk.)

So, here is where I am, currently, with this idea.

I have been invited to perform and teach at two schools next year. (More about those "events" in about six months when they have been firmed up) and today I was hired to play the Broughton with the local (very good) community orchestra. That is still lacking a hard date, but it will happen in May of '25.

One of my various excuses for being such a lackluster soloistic mediocrity is that I suffer from dyslexia and have issues reading from sheet music when under a lot of pressure. When I play heavy concerts with the orchestra much of my music is memorized. I learned to do this back in my high school band. I do *much* better when the visual "obstruction" is removed from the equation. And my milquetoast recitals have always been tossed together in a couple of months — meaning that music is needed on every tune, and that gets in my way.

So the Broughton will be performed by memory as I have the time needed to perfect the piece and fully and correctly (deeply) memorize every aspect — as we did when I was in DCI. It just takes time, and some understanding of how to memorize that much material, and I am good at that.

I plan on memorizing at least half of my two recital programs, too, but am not sure my peabrain can retain that much data. (Two hours of music is a LOT to bite off, memorization wise…) But the Broughton at least ought to go very well because I have committed to this level of work.

The Adans is certainly up to the task. Now I have to prove to myself that I merit such a nice tuba.

Also, the YamaYork is an even better musical vehicle, so I plan to use it on the two recital programs. I have several pieces I arranged years ago for the Holton, but it proved to be a bit unwieldy as a solo horn — the Yamaha is NOT hampered in this way in the slightest. It fairly sings, and it is effortless to play. Again, I *need* to do this work to prove to myself that I am not a fool for spending so much money and that I can actually pilot this tuba well enough to merit the expense. I *love* this tuba.

I may cave in and limit myself to one long recital program from which I can select what I want to play on a given day. If I do this I will memorize everything. (It is *that* effective for me with my dyslexia, and worth every minute needed to pull it off.)

So bad news/good news… Life can be really funny sometimes…

Our thoughts are with you!

Wow. For that level of effort and accomplishment against amazing odds, the entire forum should come en masse to hear one of those performances. So we can cheer you on.

If I can be there, I will be

Sorry about your diagnosis, but it beats the alternative of finding out too late

Very brave and strong to share this. It will no doubt help others here in their own struggles with health. Very best wishes.

Yes, it must have taken a lot of intestinal fortitude to post that. I’ve always sensed (over the internet) that you’re a good guy.

Wishing you the best!

Allow me clear up some of what I posted.

The motivation for all this stems from the fact that five our our eleven brass players are retiring tonight. My 41 years with the old farts with tons of experience is about to end. Two of the new trumpets are *very* young. They play quite well, but they need some seasoning. So I am guessing that my interest in work will start to wane a bit; after 21 years of my life with these same people, it will be difficult for me to fit in with the new players. All four horns and the bass bone will return; no one else. It is the end of an era in the most literal sense. Though my playing in the ensemble is better than ever right now, I am afraid the new kids will eventually try to force me out, as I have seen happen in our other sections over the years I have been here. So work is about to become rather uptight and somewhat less enjoyable for me.

So I have decided to get my "audition chops" back as a defensive measure. I have the horns to do this, so why not?

Part of that process will be all the recital and soloist stuff. This will allow me to take care of myself at work much more quickly and thoroughly than just playing great when we rehearse or perform. I do not want the new kids to play that evil game that happens so often these days: My bud from school is a tuba player and I sure would like to get hin in here with me. I guess I need to figure out how to get rid of the old guy. This is a very real and almost taboo topic; no one ever talks about it. I hope our five new brass players will not be of this ilk, but the remaining six of us are all somewhat worried that a coup is about to take place. And some of us are the heavies in contract negotiations, so the management and conductor would not be averse at all to a new club of loyal kids who will do whatever they want.

So I am just working to forestall this (if it even happens — and maybe it won't) and this is the most enjoyable way I can think of tackling this situation.

The heart stuff is incidental to all this but serves as an excellent motivator. So after 31 years doing this gig I am looking to branch out and do more as a musician. I am tired of being so uneven as a player. I am a very good orchestral tuba player. I am not a very good soloist. This mostly is due to the reasons I articulated above, and I hope to change this over the next few years.

Thanks for all the kind words, folks. It means a lot to me.

By the way — a check of the calendar shows I will be performing the Broughton one week prior to Prokofiev 5. Busy, busy…

The best goes on -- and glad to hear it.

New guys? Don't hold their youth and inexperience against them.

When money is at stake, lots of things can happen that cause angst. If no tenure, all is pretty much up in the air, and wise to take whatever precautions are deemed necessary. Music is more clique-y than the general public even has a clue about.

I have tenure. I think all unionized orchestras have a tenure system in place.

Glad to hear you are doing OK and things seem on the up and up in your health recovery. As I get older, I find health more and more important.

I probably can’t make it to hear you play the Broughton. Any chance you can get a recording when it happens in a year? I would love to hear you perform that.

Thank you very much for sharing this very personal and difficult subject. You have shown great strength to get to the source of the problem AND to be willing to put in the work to make your health better. So many folks just are not willing to do that. I think it is terrific that you will be doing more solo work and recitals. Being a musician instead of a "tuba player" takes initiative and courage as well. Keep us posted!